Although I try to cope by writing something about biodiversity or attempting a new illustration, it seems pointless.
I'll start working on my final project. I used to neglect it, but now, even if it's just once a week, I dedicate time to writing more of it. I'm almost finished. There's not much point in it, nor much motivation to solve any critical problems. And I don't have anyone's support (I don't think such a bleak, not to mention simplistic, piece of work deserves support).
Even so, writing even just one more paragraph gives me a little peace. Why? Because in the end, I succumbed to the "system." It sounds romantic to say "I let myself be defeated by the system," but thinking about it, there has always been a system, and it's not that I can't escape it, it's simply that I can't survive outside of it. I would need a lot of resources, along with better skills and psychoplasticity, to break free from the system, if you can put it that way.
The final project is the mandatory key and the final requirement for obtaining my degree in biology. Nothing else will give me that, not even illustrations. It's sad to say it like this, but it's the truth. It's kind of devastating. But my health isn't great, and next week I'll be able to find out if there's something else eating away at me because of that bad decision.
If the worst happens, and on top of that, because of the stupidest and weakest decision, then I have even more reason to secure a livelihood based on my career, one that provides me with enough income to survive.
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"I wish it were as simple, straightforward, and idyllic as in rom-coms."
The 2-banme anime still seems to me like a representation of how I would have wanted things to happen to me. It sounds really corny, but... yes. In the simplest terms, I don't think the whole divorced parents thing would have improved my already shattered psyche.
I feel more unholy the more I watch the series.
I'm going to start working on the final project now. I have no other choice. Besides, despite everything, I still feel abandoned. But it's a reality I have to endure and try not to abandon myself.
Actually, I already did a long time ago. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be wondering when and how to write the next paragraph of the final project, two years after starting it. It's a huge sign of irresponsibility.
