.................................. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand back to normal life.
New problems, new complaints from outsiders.
Honestly, I think that's why I wasn't so excited to return from my research trip. Let me tell you right now: it went "well." The important thing is that it would be the first time I've received formal payment for it. Well, not so formal, because I still don't have the document that certifies I actually did something. These are damn documents you have to have, or you're screwed on your work experience. I should definitely remind my temporary employer of that from the week I was there. Anyway, I'm going back.
I actually got back a while ago. But I got distracted again by memes or reels that aren't funny anymore. Today, I'm just sleepy. At very early hours. Am I just getting "old"? Please, I'm not even 25 yet. Not yet.
I have an incredible urge to sleep. But I have to sort out some issues with my final project, regarding permits and things like that. I think that's it. The weight of all the problems that could arise, everything that could go wrong, discourages me from doing anything more today and makes me just want to go and rest, to let myself be embraced by the "sweet" darkness that is created when I close my eyes and try to ignore external reality, until I finally fall asleep. I think that darkness is one of the best feelings. Because I could say that "I like to sleep," but the truth is, for me, that's impossible to prove, because I don't feel "true" sleep; it's like a blackout. The moment when I'm still aware that I'm close to sleep is undoubtedly the best. Because then it seems like I'm free of all problems, that everything is alright. That I have no responsibilities to fulfill, nothing to prove to anyone.
(⸝⸝⸝-﹏-⸝⸝⸝)
I need to sleep right now. I really want to go dream, and I'm tied down by responsibilities. I have to prepare those permit documents. I have to try to write something about that final project.
(•﹏•;)(•﹏•;)(•﹏•;)(•﹏•;)
It could also be because she stopped interacting. Not girl M, because she's already, at this point, a mere ghost. I'm referring to (2)1(1)_11(2)-(2)1(1)-(3)1-11(1)1. Wow, I was supposed to know how to decipher that code and get to the hidden name. But I don't remember anymore. It doesn't matter. She's in the past. The interaction died down, and I don't see the point in even trying, especially since I know she already had a boyfriend. But I at least hoped it would be some kind of strong friendship. But it seems not.
˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚
I want to keep hiding in this writing. It makes me feel... nervous. A calm nervousness. I know I should stop hiding in this micro-verse of the notepad and go out into the macro-verse to face reality. But the liminal music is good and soft. Boring, but fitting. My mother is swearing in the background, complaining about her treatments and that I haven't done things right around the house. I prefer to pretend I'm deaf and that it's really a girl telling me I did my best today, despite everything.
I guess it's time to say goodbye to this moment, try to take care of my "responsibilities," and try to finish quickly so I can go embrace the sweet darkness of sleep.

