꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱
꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱
꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱
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·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳
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It's strange to hear my mother say she hopes I finish my final project and that it doesn't take me more than a year, and that she doesn't believe other classmates are in similar situations. She's talking to a relative on a video call about how I dedicate several hours to the project. Which is a complete lie and makes me feel bad.
The situation regarding final projects at my faculty is certainly awful, because there's a kind of intentional delay on the part of the tutors. This manifests as neglect, lack of organization, and overcomplicated methodological processes (the project is supposed to be simple, and then they keep making it complicated until it's indefensible), or even favoritism.
Ugh... but also because of the initial rejections of my final project idea (which made me repeat Scientific Writing III, something I haven't told a single person about), and the already growing lack of motivation towards the end of the semester, I've also become stuck in a downward spiral of not making any progress.
I must confess, dear reader, that I'm afraid my mother will discover that I don't actually take that long to complete projects. The only way that happens is when permits take a long time—that is, permits for handling living organisms, or for handling people when the focus is on human groups. Also, of course, when the student simply doesn't put effort into their project.............................which is my case.
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૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა
What have I been doing all this time?
Losing myself in the void, I think.
Playing Roblox or Brawl Stars, watching videos,
losing sight of the original objective.
Or taking refuge in research to create the protist illustrations.
૮₍ ˵ • ꤮ ก ˵ ₎ა
But it was clear that this wasn't going to erase the responsibility for the final project.
In a relatively recent post, I said I was going to start structuring the final project a bit because I was getting worried about not having it finished. I've actually managed to make progress on some sections I still needed to write. The illustrations are still missing, and I think I'll do that tomorrow. Today I'm not sure if I'll dedicate more time to the other drafted sections that still need proofreading because they're written from memory and lack the necessary references to be well-supported.
This is also a concern because I can't find any recent or precise references on the research topic. For example, I need to support my claims about the musculature and nerves of a mouse abandoned in the Colombian highlands with the only similar information I have, which comes from a Russian laboratory study of a common European blind mole.
You... you get the dilemma, right? It's as if the "repeated" information I need to support ("Yes, I swear someone else has already said this!") is found in very different organisms, and I'm afraid they'll notice and attack me on that front, in a hypothetical defense, if it actually comes to that. Another worry is that they'll notice most of my supporting data is textual but not numerical, since I don't have other studies that replicate the exact measurements I'm taking. There's a project reviewer who's particularly observant about this, and if they reject my defense...
The defense.
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? ? ? ? ? '¿
Will I even bother defending it?
I can't see myself doing it. There's this custom where, for your defense, you invite everyone—even the priest from your village, if necessary—and all those who "believe in you" (a nice way of saying they believe in your ability to prosper and become financially successful enough to save them. That was incredibly edgy of me, I regret it). But honestly, my final project is rubbish. If they reject my defense in front of everyone, it will be not only a humiliation, but also the complete rejection of my parents. And I already have enough to deal with from my mother's occasional yelling.
At least I've made some progress on the text of my final project. I think it's decent enough to show my tutor, and to tell him to please, for God's sake, start the approval process for Final Project 3 Writing, because I'm still stuck with that "subject."
Ugh... I don't know, dear reader.
It's even possible I'll never finish the project, and therefore never graduate. That would also mean the end of my free time "for studying," which I've been spending looking at memes and, to avoid judgment, also at protist illustrations.
I'm getting sleepy.
All I have to do now is make a little more progress on that text. At least I managed to make some progress and not leave it stuck again for another day.
As always, I hope these life experiences I share will help you not feel alone or abandoned, whatever your current shitty situation may be.
