I don't want to go to any more doctor's appointments. It's exhausting to imagine having to spend money on that instead of spending quality time with someone. What if I have a mole that looks suspicious because of its irregular shape? What if I have suspicious inflammation in my gallbladder? What if I have an abnormal curvature in my spine? Well, those are the things that definitely make me feel weak.
Actually, I am weak. I'm not writing this out of self-pity or a desire to be in pain; I'm just feeling disconnected as I write. I'm trying to write a guide, and I set a certain number of species to finish soon. But it seems to be getting longer. Oh well, at least I've got about five species covered. I hope to finish it eventually. How about before the end of the year? Hmm, I don't know.
That's a lie. These last years, I'm incapable of finishing anything I set my mind to. I used to feel invincible when it came to writing anything. But just seeing the sheer effort involved seems to overwhelm me. How, then, do I plan to live like this? That's what's troubling me right now.
0_null is stupid. Why are all the people around me imperfect and, eventually, awful? She doesn't realize that Individual S is cheating on her with others. I know I should keep it a secret, but honestly, I think it's a total mess. And 0_null is still so in love with this guy. So why do I keep supporting Individual S? I know perfectly well. It's not even because I consider him "the closest thing to a friend" because I've never considered anyone a friend. Least of all Individual S, who has shown signs of aggression when I couldn't help him with something. As far as I'm concerned, he can go to hell if he wants. The main reason I'm still in contact with him is for some business opportunity or help in case everything about me comes out and I get kicked out.
But I don't feel safe.
I feel so sorry for 0_null. Why did I end up in this situation, knowing about their awful situations? I should have distanced myself from and insulted Individual S as soon as I could. In fact, I've already let him know that he's a piece of shit for being like that; even the ermines harassed him when he was in that penthouse with that random he told me about. His mother was furious with him. Obviously.
So was I.
Because 0_null has a similar sense of humor to mine. If I were 0_null's boyfriend, I wouldn't treat her or cheat on her like that. God knows the last thing I'd want is to betray the special person who makes me feel complete.
.
.
.
But there's nothing I can do about it. Hah, a small aside: this was supposed to be short. That said, all the more reason this profile, everything related to DOTkamina, should remain hidden from almost everyone. Well, at least from those I know. I know I'm putting myself at risk. But these are things that, honestly, I can't just keep quiet about sometimes.
I'm sorry.
